What Every Teen Needs: 8 Ways Adults Can Show Up for Them

Teens are often misunderstood. We focus so much on what they do—how they act, what they say, the choices they make—that we forget to ask what they need. Underneath the eye rolls, the slammed doors, and the late-night texts is a young person trying to figure out who they are, who’s safe to trust, and if they’re truly seen and valued.

What teens need most isn't our advice or correction. They need us. Not perfect, not cool, not always right—but present, safe, and human.

Here are 8 ways adults can build healthy, meaningful relationships with the teens in their lives:

1. Be Caring: Teens need to feel emotionally safe. They crave adults who notice them, listen without rushing, and validate what they feel—even if we don’t understand it. When we give them our attention, without distraction or judgment, they feel worthy.

Say things like:

• “You seemed a little off today. Do you want to talk, or just hang out quietly?”

• “I love being around you, even on the hard days.”

• “I’m proud of you for how you’re handling everything.”

  
  

2. Be Curious: Ask questions. Not to interrogate, but to learn. What do they love? What’s stressing them out? What makes them laugh? When we approach teens with curiosity instead of criticism, we send a powerful message: You matter enough for me to want to know you.

Try:

• “What was the hardest part of your week?”

• “Tell me more about that game/show/idea. I really want to understand it.”

• “If I could step into your shoes right now, what would I feel?”

  
  

3. Be Empathetic: Teen life is emotionally intense. Hormones, social pressure, identity exploration—it’s a lot. Try to feel with them instead of fixing them. Saying, “That sounds really hard” can build more trust than ten lectures ever could.

Say:

• “Wow, that sounds like it really hurt. I’m so sorry you went through that.”

• “That makes total sense why you'd feel that way.”

• “It's not an easy situation to be in—thank you for trusting me with that.”

  
  

4. Be Non-Judgmental: Teens will mess up. That’s part of growing up. When adults define teens by their worst choices, it pushes them further away. Instead, lead with grace. Separate the mistake from their identity. Believe in their ability to grow.

• “That wasn’t your best choice, but it doesn’t change how I see you.”

• “Let’s figure out how to learn from this instead of beating yourself up.”

• “Everyone messes up—what matters is what we do next.”

  
  

5. Be Thoughtful: A random text saying, “Thinking of you today,” a prayer whispered on their behalf, or remembering the name of their best friend—these small gestures make a big impact. It shows that they’re on your heart, not just on your radar when something goes wrong.

You could say:

• “I saw something today that reminded me of you.”

• “Just wanted you to know I prayed for you this morning.”

• “How’d your math test go? I was thinking of you all day.”

  
  

6. Be Genuine: Teens are human lie detectors. They can sense fake a mile away. Be real with them. Share your own mistakes and learning. You don’t need to be their peer—just be your authentic self. That’s who they’ll trust.

Try:

• “I messed that up, and I’m sorry. Thanks for your patience with me.”

• “I don’t always have the right words, but I want to be here with you.”

• “You don’t have to perform to be loved—neither do I.”

  
  

7. Be Respectful: Respect doesn’t mean agreeing with everything. It means treating teens as fellow humans with thoughts, boundaries, and voices that matter. Ask permission before giving advice. Listen more than you speak. Model the respect you hope they’ll give back.

Say:

• “Would it be okay if I shared a thought on that?”

• “Your opinion really matters to me. I want to hear your side.”

• “Thank you for being honest. I respect your honesty even when we disagree.”

  
  

8. Enjoy Them: This one is big. Teens need to feel wanted, not just tolerated. Laugh at their jokes. Invite them into your space. Make time for fun without an agenda. When adults light up at their presence, teens feel safe being themselves.

Say:

• “You’re fun to be around—I like hanging out with you.”

• “Wanna watch that ridiculous show together? I promise I won’t make fun of it (too much).”

• “You’re one of my favorite people. I hope you know that.”

  
  

Teenagers don’t just need adults to teach them. They need adults who will be with them—consistently, compassionately, and without pretense.

Let’s raise a generation that doesn’t have to recover from their teen years, but instead, remembers them as the time when they were deeply known, deeply loved, and deeply supported.

Happy Parenting! :)