The Myth of the “Perfect Parent”

You’re a perfect parent.

I constantly wrestle with the weight of this statement.

Because the truth is, while I am aware it is meant to be a flattering compliment, that label makes me deeply uncomfortable.

Sometimes it makes me feel like a lung cancer oncologist sneaking out for a smoke break. Like of all people, I should have this figured out. I know the research. I teach the skills. I support families every day.

But knowing how to parent and rising to the occasion every single time are two very different things.

One is knowledge.

The second is humanity: messy, emotional, exhausted humanity.

And the truth is: doing the “right” thing 100% of the time is simply not humanly possible.

What You Don’t See

What most people don’t see are the moments behind the scenes:

The times I lose my patience and have to go back and repair.

The days I’m exhausted and still show up when I have nothing left in the tank.

The moments I get triggered by something that has nothing to do with my kids and everything to do with my own unfinished work.

There are nights I lie in bed replaying conversations I wish I’d handled differently.

There are mornings I take a deep breath in the bathroom before facing the chaos of the day.

There are seasons where I feel confident… and seasons where I question everything.

That’s not perfection. That’s parenting.

Why “Perfect” Is a Dangerous Story

What worries me even more than how that label makes me feel is what it teaches our kids.

When children believe their parents are perfect, they quietly absorb the message that they’re expected to be perfect too, especially when they become parents one day.

My daughter once told me she didn’t think she wanted to be a parent because she didn’t believe she could ever be as patient with her own children as I am with her little brother.

My heart broke a little when she said it.

Because what she doesn’t see are the years of learning, failing, growing, regulating, unlearning old patterns, and choosing differently - over and over again - that shaped the patience she sees now.

I was not born this way.

I built this version of myself.

Parenting Is Learned in the Mess

When I sit with my friends - just like you probably do - we talk about the hard stuff.

We talk about power struggles at bedtime.

About siblings who won’t stop fighting.

About the guilt we feel when we raise our voice.

About the fear that we’re messing our kids up.

And sometimes, in the middle of those conversations, someone says something that changes everything:

A new perspective.

A simple tool.

A reminder that we’re not alone.

Because when you’re emotionally inside a situation, it’s almost impossible to see it clearly. Sometimes you need someone outside of your nervous system to help you regulate, reflect, and reset.

That’s what parenting support is really about.

So No, I’m Not a Perfect Parent

I don’t know it all.

I don’t get it right every time.

I don’t have some magical formula.

What I do have is a deep commitment to growth, honesty, repair, and learning, both in my own home and with the families I support.

I don’t walk alongside parents because I’m perfect.

I walk alongside them because I’m willing to be real.

And I believe that’s what our kids need most.

The Real Goal

Our children don’t need perfect parents.

They need parents who:

• are willing to learn

• are brave enough to apologize

• model emotional responsibility

• and show them what growth actually looks like

When our kids see us struggle, reflect, and try again, they don’t feel pressure to be perfect, they feel permission to be human.

And that may be the greatest gift we can give them.

Happy Parenting :)